You have finally come to terms that learning about yourself and what you want in life is a lifelong process, but you can't help but feel that pit in your stomach upon making a big or small decision, like a tornado of mixed emotions about all aspects of life.
I have just gone through the most confusing two years of my life. It's like I studied this and lived there but is that truly what I want?
The early 20's are about learning life lessons and truly taking advantage of every opportunity that comes your way before finally committing to settle down and aspire to have the American dream. But, what if now or perhaps in the future the American dream is not your dream? What if that's not good enough for you? What if you aspire to do more with your life than meet that special someone, fall in love, buy a house, have kids, and work nine to five everyday to make ends meet?
At one point I remember wanting all those things, the stability, the routine, even the comfort that most people have. Suddenly, overnight, just like that, it all changed. I found myself questioning the life that I actively participated in creating. Just like that, the rug was pulled from under me and the person I was and the plans I had for myself no longer fit in the new plans of the person I wanted to be.
Suddenly I saw life differently. To this day I still don't know where I'm headed other than the fact that I know I want to travel, study, and do humanitarian work abroad as well as scuba dive. I'm beginning to see that my life's purpose is to serve others and enjoy the time I have on this earth by doing things I love.
I remember being completely lost in Grand Cayman. I set out for a walk and just kept walking. All of a sudden I realised that I had passed that same intersection at least 3 times. Instead of losing my mind, I surprisingly found myself more content than ever being lost. I revelled in the fact that in my own life, the journey I'm on, I'm lost as well. I decided to surrender, to have a little faith and keep moving forward and walking, and keep searching because I knew I would find answers; and I did. Poutine in the Caribbean! Suddenly I felt a sense of peace in my soul and knew that I belonged there at that present moment.
When you're in your 20's you keep searching for "home". But what most of us don't realise is that "home" is within. It's when you feel completely content on the inside about where you are and what you've learned. Finding home wherever you are, and being completely present there wherever that might be.
So for my birthday resolution I want to stop sweating the small stuff and stop trying to find a place in this big old world. I will take this adventure of the unknown for what it is. I will take in being lost with all it's grace and keep moving forward to find my next destination. Life always has a way to work itself out. I do know that if I want something better I have to be ready to embrace change. Nothing just falls on your lap and suddenly everything becomes clear, different, or better. You need to go out there and change something. That's the beauty of it all.
For all those in College, University, or graduating soon thinking about what will come next, buckle up because you're in for a treat! Life really takes you unexpected places if you let it!
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